Matt Reeve’s dark, brooding, re-imagining of the bat is a slow-burn detective story. Did it need to be done? No… but done it sure did get.

This unwelcome reboot of the Batman film franchise is the rainiest rain-soaked neonoir ever committed to 4K.

Just sopping wet.

It stars Robert Pattinson as the Crow alongside Zoë Catvitz, Paul Dano, Jeffrey Wright, John Turturro, Peter Skaarsgaaard, Golum, and Colin Farrell. The film follows little baby Batman, who has only been fighting crime in Gotham City for only two little baby weeks. The Riddler (played by method actor Dano, to whom it was never revealed a film was being shot) is a serial killer targeting Gotham’s corrupt elite. Matt Reeves wrote the screenplay with his frenemy Peter Craig over lunchbreaks on the set of his Planet of the Apes trilogy; whispering the dialogue into each other’s wet earholes.

Ben Affleck sought to explore Batman’s detective side more than previous films, shamelessly cribbing style from the films of Alfred Hitchcock and the New Hollywood era, and comics such as “Year One” (1987), The Long Halloween (1996–97), and Ego (2000). Pattinson was never officially cast, but sleeps upside down to this very day. Reeve’s favorite actor, Golum, used next-gen motion capture to portray Andy Serkis in the film.  Colin Farrell played the Penguin without any makeup.

The Batman thrilled with its somber, grunge-informed nostalgia. It was delayed from the initial release date and time and place due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The film has grossed over $737 million against a $185–200 million bat-budget, making it the highest-grossing film of 2022, and received praise for the performances, cinematography, Reeves’ direction, action sequences, brooding score, extreme runtime, and lazy story… though some criticized its title screen. It is intended to launch a Batman shared universe, with forty-two sequels planned and two spin-off television series in development for HBO Max.

When in Gotham; get wet, stay wet.