Golf

The End of the Dionsaurs. 

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And then there was golf.

God and Golf.
In the beginning, God created the heaven’s and the earth and he thought this is good.
Then he created man which he also thought was good.
Then he saw that man liked to eat so he created food.
God then gave man the plow which created excess food.
This created spare time.
This created time to covet, which created raping and pillaging, which created a need for rules of behavior during spare time.

After God gave us this spare time he realized that some sort of structure was needed to control man’s behavior during this spare time.  Some sort of system was needed to control, unite, inspire and educate man for the common good.  God’s first attempt at controlling man’s  behavior during spare time was theatre.  This seemed like a good idea at first.  It brought people together in a friendly environment.  People could enjoy each other’s company and be delighted and educated by the actors.
This worked at first but because there were no rules for the crowd control, a code of behavior had to be made to control the masses.
So common laws of etiquette were created.  This worked at first,  but man, with all this spare time , had the time to make beer.
This created debauchery and unruliness and man was away raping and pillaging again.
God recognized the problem and created a higher set of laws that not only controlled man on earth but also in the afterlife (the afterlife was big to early man).
God called this set of laws religion.
So religion came along to set up proper rules and behavior for large crowds assembled to pass their spare time.
Man then needed a way around religion so he created golf.
The problem with religion was there were different rules for each one.  Each religion was created to give the rich a way to gather the common man’s possessions.  There is no uniform rule book that appliers to all.  Some use the Bible, some the Koran, some the Bhagavad-Gita,  etc., etc.  Not only were there different rule books but they were subject to interpretation by different clan leaders.  This  disparity of rules created a situation of rivalry.  Each one said my religion is better than yours.  So once again man was back to raping and pillaging .  This time in the name of his religion.
God mad a mistake.  He allowed more than one rule book.
So a uniform playbook was needed.
Golf was his answer.
Golf’s laws are uniform and subject to all people that participate.
Golf has rules that are created and governed by one jurisdiction.  The rules are based on common sense and a universal truth that man should be honest and civil in all aspects of his life.  Golf rules that are based on universal good.are nothing more than the common universal good.
My rule book is the same as yours.  No better, no worse.  The same.
Contrast religious rules to the uniformity of golf rules and you will find no relationship.  Most religious rule books seem to say that my Creator is better than yours.  While golf’s creator is simply mother earth and is inscrutable as to it’s applied uniformity to it rules.  Gravity, inertia, vision, accuracy, patience, dedication are not subject to interpretation.  The tenant’s remain on whatever sacred ground you choose to walk.  Handicap’s are used to insure no one has a advantage based on their free time to allocate time to it’s perfection.
Religion on the other hand gives aristocracy to those who are able to dedicate more of their time to the practice.  I study the practice more so therefore I am more religious than you.  Indeed if you have more time to study a subject your have an advantage.  Shouldn’t the unscholarly be afforded an equal level based on his spirit and not his trained view.
In golf, the joy of the game is awarded to all that play regardless of his degree of skill.
Giventhe  pure rules that govern,  all men are equal.  No other endeavor can offer this unbiased purity.  Mother earth’s rules apply to all regardless of race, religion, color, or physical ability.  What activity can claim such intergrity?

Golf is truly the comparative.  The Yen, the Yang, the heaven or hell, the good the bad, the black the white, and the sane and insane.  It is a game that allows love and hate in the same instant.  I have found it to be the only true escape from life’s vicissitudes.  When you hit a golf ball you may hate the moment but the moment is golf, not the office, the wife, the church, or anything else.  It can offer instant bliss and imminent doom but the game continues and remains the same while each moment is  different.  It is the ultimate oxymoron.  To say you enjoy golf is the epitome of contradiction.  Is it divine or evil I cannot decide  did Judas Iscariot have God on his side.
Golf let your brain rest it’s pride, for no one is perfect when in the bunker their fried.
You play when it rains or shines.  When it’s cold or hot.  Windy or calm.  Everyone who joins you plays the same course.

We find it ironic that King James banned golf during the Spanish Inquisition.

Michelangelo paints the Sistine Chapel at about the same time St. Andrews founded.

English pilgrims aboard the “Mayflower” land at Plymouth Rock on Cape Cod, Massachusetts later that year King James VI of Scotland grants his subjects the right to play golf on Sundays.

In 1650′sthe Jews are expelled from Wien (Vienna) and golf is banned from the streets of Albany, N.Y. This is the first known reference to golf in America.

In the 1750‘s came Damascus steel and the first forged golf clubs.

The St. Andrews Society of Golfers (later to become known as the Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews) is formed in 1754 and fencing is replaced as the most popular gentlemanly sport

First known written rules of golf.

Golf quotes:

 “Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than nineteen years of dealing with him across the desk.” -Grantland Rice

“The fundamental  problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be  in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential  frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you’ve done it once, you  make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can’t do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke.” -Colin Bowles

“Talking  to a golf ball won’t do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent  is teeing off.” -Bruce Lansky

 “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” -Jack Lemmon

“When I’m  on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron,  ‘caus I know even God can’t hit a one iron.” -Lee Trevino

 “I’ll always  remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.” -Bruce Lansky

 “As you walk  down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan

 “My best  score ever was 103, but I’ve only been playing 15 years.” -Alex Karris

 “Golf is  the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.” -Dave  Hill

 “Never bet  with anyone you meet on the first tee, who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes.” -Dave Marr

 “The golf swing is like sex. You can’t be thinking about the mechanics of the act while  you are performing.” -Dave Hill

 “Golf is  a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” -Winston Churchill

 “You don’t  know what pressure is until you’ve played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket.”-Lee Trevino

 “Golf is  a game in which you yell ‘fore’, shoot six and write down five.” -Paul Harvey

 “A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so.”  -Tom Watson

 “I’m hitting  the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them” -Harry Tofcano

“Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing  but an ulcer.” -Tommy Bolt

 “Golf is  based on honesty, where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?” -Jimmy Demaret

 “I play with  friends, but we don’t play friendly games.” -Ben Hogan

 “Golf is  an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease.” -Bertie Forbes

“Golf is twenty  percent mechanics and technique. The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation.”  -Grantland Rice

 “The harder you work, the luckier you get.” -Gary Player 

 “Golf is  90 percent inspiration and 10 percent perspiration.” -Johnny Miller

 “The number one thing about trouble is…don’t get into more.” -Dave Stockton

 “It’s the most fun I’ve had with my clothes on.” -Lee Trevino

 “Mulligan:  invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder.” -Jim Bishop

 “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” -Bob Hope

 “The only shots you can be sure of are those you’ve had already.” -Byron Nelson

“Golf and  sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.” -Jimmy Demaret

 “Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success.” -Bob Toski

 “You’ve just  one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.” -Sam Snead

 “The fun  you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don’t put into it.”  -Bob Allen

 “Golf is  good walk spoiled.” -Mark Twain

 “You can’t  lose an old golf ball.” -John Willis

“My game  is so bad I gotta hire three caddies- one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and one for the middle. And the one in the middle doesn’t have much to do.” -Dave Hill

 “A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more  the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees.” -Stephen Baker

 “There are  three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.” -Robert Browning

 “Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn’t float too well.” -Craig Stadler

 “We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men great and small. Even more reaching and revealing of character is the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish  object with no mind or will but with a very definite life of its own, and with whims perverse and beatific.” -John Stewart Martin

 “Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend’s mother about her heart condition?” -Phil Silvers

 “The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” -Phyllis Diller

 “I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.” -Bob Hope

 “The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself.” -Tom Watson

” Everybody  has two swings-a beautiful practice swing and the choked-up one with with which they hit the ball. So it wouldn’t do either of us a damned bit of good  to look at your practice swing.” -Ed Furgol

 “Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don’t have to waste energy going back  to pick them up.” -Tommy Bolt

 “Always keep  in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn’t  come three to a sleeve.” -Dan Jenkins

 “I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.” -Gerald Ford

 “Competitive  golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears.” -Bobby Jones

 “Actually,  the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took  a seven to do that.” -Jim Murry

 “The right  way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing.” -George Duncan

 “He enjoys  that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.” -P.G. Wodehouse

“Golf tips  are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle  you will be lucky to survive.” -Harvey Penick

“Nobody asked  how you looked, just what you shot.” -Sam Snead (Tnx..JP)

 “Happiness  is a long walk with a putter.” -Greg Norman (Tnx..JoeT)

 “You know what they say about big hitters…the woods are full of them.” -Jimmy Demaret  (Tnx..TZ)

 “Golf is  an easy game…It’s just hard to play.” -unknown (Tnx..KK)

“Playing golf is just like going to a strip club. You’re all revved up, ready to go. But three hours later, you’re depressed, plastered, and most of your balls are missing.”  -James Clark (tnx..LC)

 “The mind messes up more shots than the body.” Tommy Bolt (Tnx..AC)

“In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf.”- Becker (Tnx..bs, who’s becker?)

“Golf is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the player well” -Unknown (Tnx..clv)

“They say  golf is like life, but don’t believe them. It’s more complicated than that.”  -Gardner Dickinson (ditto)

GOLF SAYINGS

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.

2. “I wish I could play my normal game…just once.”

3. “Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul
balls.”

4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot
rarely make a perfect shot.

6. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul it
again.”

7. A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two
golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.

8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play;
it is always possible to get worse.

9. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and
shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you
go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

10. I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme Putt”, you
might wish to reconsider this game.

12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you
can finally enjoy the level you’ve reached after you’ve reached it.

13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t
work… and both are expensive.

15. The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.

16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add
correctly.

17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers…
they shoot a “six,” yell “fore” and write “five”.

18. Swing easy. Hit hard.

19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough
than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf…it is also just a matter of
time before the IRS investigates your business.

20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner
buys the drinks.

Comment or other quotes

Where do yago?

Fishing ?
All we know about fishing.

A “Lazy Ike” (brown) and a “Abu Spinner”(black and white) are damn good baits!
That’s it.

On the other hand Sam Potter knows fishing, that’s where yago.

If you’ve found us send us some feedback, we’re just checking the water.  Click here.

 

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